'I own my home outright, have no children or other dependents'

"My future spouse has children from a previous relationship and is not as financially secure as I am." (Photo subjects are models.)

Dear Quentin,

I'm planning to marry my best friend of more than 20 years.

We love each other deeply, but not in a husband-and-wife sense. We are not romantically involved. I own my home outright, have no children or other dependents, and my closest relatives are my siblings, nieces and nephews.

I've told my future spouse that if I die first, he will inherit my home. My future spouse has children from a previous relationship and is not as financially secure as I am. We are entering the latter half of middle age. Does this seem like a fair arrangement?

Platonic Friend

Related: Do I use $300,000 of my $1.2 million retirement savings so my daughter can attend her dream college?

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

Choose the one who gives you the most time and who you know will benefit the most from inheriting your home.

Dear Friend,

If that's what you want, so be it.

You have every right to make this choice, with or without children. Your siblings and nieces and nephews are not first in line, and that's OK. Choose the one who gives you the most time and who you know will benefit the most from inheriting your home. It's a lovely idea, and you're not the only people who marry for companionship - and financial and tax reasons - over romantic love.

I hope you know what you're doing and, whether or not you do, I doubly hope that you have a prenuptial agreement. Even a platonic relationship can founder, especially if you are living together and sharing expenses. Have you ever had a wonderful friend, but then gone on vacation with them only to discover that you needed space? If that happens here, you need an exit plan.

A prenup or last will and testament alone may not be enough. Marriage changes inheritance rights in many states, and some states have homestead laws providing equity protection for the less wealthy partner. Make sure to update your beneficiary designations, powers of attorney, healthcare directives and will. Meet with an estate-planning attorney before the wedding.

Financially, he has more to gain from marrying in the long run, but you could both end up saving thousands of dollars a year in taxes and healthcare costs, depending on your respective circumstances. But there's a lot to be said about emotional security, a lower tax bill, shared expenses and healthcare insurance, among other advantages that married couples avail of. It's nice to have someone to grow old with.

A prenuptial agreement and full financial transparency are compatible bedfellows. You are middle-aged and appear to have substantial assets in the form of real estate and, I presume, significant retirement funds. As a married couple, you will benefit from income-tax breaks and your less wealthy spouse will benefit from Social Security allowances (including spousal benefits and survivor benefits).

There are financial advantages to getting married later in life: You get to split costs and, if one person has employer-based health insurance, it can save money for the partner without such insurance. Maintaining one home is obviously far less costly than maintaining two separate homes. In many U.S. states, a couple filing a joint tax return can deduct double the amount that single filers can.

But there are downsides, too. Those include the costs of medical and long-term care if one partner falls into ill health, as well as disputes over the aforementioned expenses and inheritance. If your house needs repairs, does your spouse chip in? Does he pay rent? If so, how much? If he doesn't pay rent, does he pay for the utilities and groceries? What happens if you decide to move house?

Related: 'Respect is important': If my financial adviser said, 'Hey,' my wife and I would walk out. Where do you draw the line?

Intention vs. fairness

The question is not so much one of fairness. Intention matters more. Is this what you want? Are you entering into this of your own free will - without any coercion? From what you say, this doesn't sound like someone taking advantage of you. It sounds like two longtime friends making a conscious commitment to share their lives. As long as both of you fully understand the consequences, your plans don't sound unfair.

If you do pass away before your spouse, he will likely have saved significantly more money than if he had stayed single and paid all of those expenses himself. Plus, he will get your Social Security benefits as your survivor. That's the luck of the draw, and it does not hurt you during your lifetime. It's nice that someone will get it - it may as well be him. As you say, you appear to love and respect each other very much.

If you predeceased him, he could claim survivor benefits based on the Social Security benefits you were entitled to at your death, including any delayed retirement credits you earned by waiting until 70. If you delayed claiming until 70, his maximum survivor benefit would generally be higher than if you claimed at 67. (In order to get spousal benefits during your lifetime, he would have to wait until you claim.)

He may also benefit from spousal benefits. At age 62, he is entitled to collect up to 50% of the amount of his ex-spouse's Social Security benefits, if they are greater than yours. To qualify, you must have been married for at least 10 years and be unmarried at the time of your application for spousal benefits. If you both have adequate Social Security benefits, that will be of little concern for you.

Please allow me to be a downer. "Not all platonic marriages work out," says Duke Law Firm, which has offices in Rochester and Lakeville, N.Y. "While the reasons for divorce may be different from a traditional marriage, spouses in platonic marriages can still legally terminate their marriage. For example, if one spouse develops romantic feelings for another or wants a different type of relationship, a divorce may be necessary."

Without the complications of sex, platonic marriages may have less drama if they end. "Importantly, these types of partnerships are created on the premise of connection as friends, not romance," the firm notes. "Because of this, platonic marriages can often end amicably. The couple may be able to communicate effectively about the intricacies of their case without the emotional pain that often comes with divorce."

If you have thought through the financial and legal consequences, discussed difficult scenarios in advance - what if one of you enters into a romantic relationship? - and document your intentions, there's nothing inherently unfair about leaving your home to the person who you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Just remember that the rest of your life could be a long time. I wish you the best of everything.

Please maintain separate bathrooms.

Don't miss: We have $8 million in traditional IRAs. Should we tap them to buy a house - and take the tax hit?

By emailing your questions to The Moneyist or posting your dilemmas on The Moneyist Facebook group, you agree to have them published anonymously on MarketWatch.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

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-Quentin Fottrell

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July 27, 2026 14:30 ET (18:30 GMT)

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